PG Header

Showing posts with label aliens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aliens. Show all posts

Sunday, May 24, 2026

Palien Green: The Series Bible Unfolds - Version 9

 Palien Green: Master Series Bible (v9)

🌌 Core Premise

Palien Green follows the exploits of Zazzo and Drizzla, the last surviving consciousnesses of an advanced, pale-green reptilian-amphibian humanoid race whose physical forms were lost during a catastrophic cosmic crisis. Coinciding with the comet impact that caused Earth's Cretaceous extinction event (K-Pg) 65 million years ago, their civilization's Moon Mothership—the Diana Luna—was forced into an emergency parking orbit.

Now existing as digital uploads within the Moon's central computer network, they project themselves as solid, tactile "Quantum Force Holograms" to influence human history, deploy localized reconnaissance fleets, and slowly guide humanity toward technological advancements capable of repairing their stranded vessel.

---

## 🧬 The Origin of the Pale Green Moonies (Deep History)


### 1. The Cosmic Billiards Crisis (7 Billion Years BCE)

While the planet **Foo** evolved its own native, highly resilient flora and fauna under the intense radiation of **Palien** ($\gamma^1$ Delphini), the Paliens themselves are not native to the Delphini system. Their true origin lies in a completely different sector of the Milky Way Galaxy, dating back over seven billion years. 


The original Palien homeworld orbited a star system nearly identical to the high-energy, yellow-white setups they seek out today. Their civilization’s destiny was irrevocably altered by a catastrophic cosmic event: a small, rogue black hole made a close flyby through their native system. 


By the sheer "magic of cosmic billiards"—or a god of chance in a spectacularly good mood—the physics of the encounter played out in a brilliant paradox of survival:

* **System Disruption:** The intense gravitational shear of the black hole physically ripped the original binary stars away from each other.

* **The Star-Stretching Miracle:** As the black hole passed, it stripped away a massive portion of outer stellar material from the Paliens' primary host star. 

* **The Stability Extension:** By bleeding off that excess mass, the star’s nuclear furnace slowed down, shifting its accelerated lifecycle. This cosmic accident extended the star's main-sequence stability by an extra **2 billion years**, granting the planet a massive window of safety to support carbon-based life.

* **Orbital Preservation:** Miraculously, the Paliens' original homeworld was not swallowed, ejected, or frozen; it settled into a newly stabilized, perfectly balanced orbit right within the modified Goldilocks zone.


### 2. The Genesis of the Moonships

This stolen time—those extra two billion years of planetary life—allowed the primitive Paliens to grow, evolve, and ultimately build an incredibly advanced, unified global civilization. They became deeply aware of how fragile a single solar system could be, and they dedicated their entire technological evolution to master-engineering planetary-scale ark vessels.


This era birthed the **Moonship technology**, massive hollowed-out celestial hulls like the **Diana Luna**. Designed to preserve their collective culture, genetic blueprints, and AI networks, these vessels were built for one specific purpose: to seek out and colonize high-energy stellar systems that mirror the pristine, original conditions of their first, long-lost home. 


### 3. The 7-Billion-Year Diaspora

For at least seven billion years, the Paliens have been a spacefaring, star-hopping diaspora of "pale green moonies". They traverse the deep black in their camouflaged moon-arks, dropping into crossroads systems like Gamma Delphini, planting colonial roots, and adapting to the local worlds while their motherships maintain silent vigil in the shadows. 


---


## 💥 The Sol Catastrophe & The Emergency Parking Orbit (65 Million BCE)


### 1. The Hyperdrive Quantum Surge

The *Diana Luna’s* long voyage across the cosmic crossroads suffered a devastating mechanical failure while passing through the immediate vicinity of Earth's solar system (Sol). 


The specific AI navigation subsystem within **L.U.N.A.T.I.C.** that directly governs the ship's hyperdrive operations experienced a sudden, catastrophic anomaly: a massive **quantum vacuum particle spike** erupted directly within its energy core. This localized energy cascade had immediate, devastating chain reactions throughout the ship's vital systems:

* **Core Erasure:** The sheer intensity of the quantum spike completely wiped out the AI's specialized crystalline processing core.

* **Hyperdrive Burnout:** The electrical and quantum feedback surged instantly into the propulsion arrays, utterly destroying the critical **warp-tuning crystals** housed inside the *Diana Luna's* hyperdrive mechanics.


### 2. The Cretaceous Insertion

With its hyperdrive instantly neutralized and its master navigation AI crippled, the massive vessel was left stranded in real-space. Stripped of interstellar travel capabilities, Commander Zazzo was forced to execute an immediate, emergency tactical maneuver. 


The *Diana Luna* was steered directly into Sol's third orbital plane and dropped into an emergency parking orbit around Earth. This desperate synchronization occurred exactly 65 million years ago, seamlessly coinciding with the massive comet impact that triggered Earth's K-Pg prehistoric mass extinction. Hidden beneath a thick camouflage layer of natural regolith and space debris, the broken mothership began its long, multi-million-year silent vigil—trapped in plain sight as Earth's Moon.

---

🌌 System Profile: The Palien Crossroad

Target System: Gamma Delphini (A-Component) / Stellar Designation: Palien[cite: 1]  

Primary Habitable World: Foo[cite: 1]  

Mission Relevance: Background Origin & Prime Motivator for the Diana Luna Expedition[cite: 1]

1. The Primary Star: Palien ($\gamma^1$ Delphini)

In the Earthly catalog, Gamma Delphini is celebrated as a magnificent binary system 115 light-years away, famous for an optical illusion where its secondary star casts an emerald-green aura onto its companion[cite: 1]. For the inhabitants of the system, however, the yellow-white main-sequence dwarf star ($\gamma^1$) is simply Palien: the giver of life, and the ticking clock of their civilization[cite: 1].

Stellar Characteristics

Spectral Classification: F7V (Yellow-White Main-Sequence Dwarf)[cite: 1]

Mass: 1.6 M☉ (1.6 times the mass of Earth's Sun)[cite: 1]

Luminosity: ~7.5x Solar Luminosity[cite: 1]

System Age: 1.8 Billion Years[cite: 1]

The Cosmic Clock: Because of its higher mass, Palien burns its core hydrogen fuel at an accelerated rate compared to smaller yellow dwarfs like Sol[cite: 1]. Its total main-sequence lifespan is strictly capped at roughly 2.5 to 2.8 billion years[cite: 1]. With 1.8 billion years already spent, the Palien civilization faces a definitive expiration date: they have less than one billion years before their home star swells into a scorching subgiant, destabilizing the entire system[cite: 1].

The Pale Green Perception (Biological Optical Illusion)

Though astronomically a yellow-white F-type star, Palien uniquely registers as a distinct pale green to both human observers and the native Paliens due to separate evolutionary and biological traits[cite: 1]:

The Human Optical Trick: When viewed by human eyes through telescopes, Palien appears pale green[cite: 1]. This is not due to the physics of the star itself, but a trick of human biology—specifically how the red, blue, and green cones in the human retina process the high-contrast light output of the binary system[cite: 1].

The Palien Perception: The star also registers as pale green to the Paliens themselves[cite: 1]. However, their visual biology functions differently; Palien eyes perceive their home star through a retinal matrix composed of red, yellow, and blue cones[cite: 1].

2. The Homeworld: Foo

Foo is a rocky planet orbiting within Palien’s high-energy Goldilocks zone[cite: 1]. It is a world of stark beauty, intense radiation, and hyper-accelerated evolutionary adaptations, home to Zazzo, Drizzla, and the rest of the Palien race[cite: 1].

Orbital Mechanics & Climate

Orbital Distance: 2.75 Astronomical Units (AU) from Palien[cite: 1]. This deep positioning is required to offset the star's immense 7.5x solar brightness, keeping surface temperatures within a liquid-water threshold[cite: 1].

The Long Year: One full orbit around Palien (a Palien Year) takes approximately 3.9 Earth years[cite: 1].

Seasonal Cycles: Due to a stable, mild axial tilt and the stabilizing gravitational presence of the distant companion star ($\gamma^2$ Delphini, hanging like a distant orange-gold lantern 330 AU away), Foo enjoys long, predictable seasons, though its climate trends significantly warmer and more humid than Earth[cite: 1].

Planetary Physiology & Safeguards

Because Palien is an F-type star, it floods its orbital plane with intense, destructive ultraviolet (UV-B and UV-C) radiation[cite: 1]. For carbon-based life to survive on Foo, the planet evolved unique macro-shields[cite: 1]:

The Hyper-Shield Magnetosphere: Foo possesses an ultra-dense, churning molten iron-nickel core that generates a planetary magnetic field three times more powerful than Earth's[cite: 1]. This deflects the fierce stellar winds and prevents atmospheric stripping[cite: 1].

The Luminescent Atmosphere: The atmosphere is rich in heavy ozone arrays and dense, protective compound gases[cite: 1]. From the surface, this atmosphere scatters the hot yellow-white light of Palien, softening the sky into a shimmering, vibrant hue that frames the daily landscape[cite: 1].

3. The Prime Imperative: Project Diana Luna

The Paliens are fully aware of their star's rapid lifecycle[cite: 1]. The countdown is encoded into their stellar positioning, their historical data, and the changing temper of Palien itself[cite: 1].

Faced with a window of only a few hundred million years to ensure the survival of their species, the Paliens have bypassed localized planetary squabbles to focus their entire global output on deep-space migration[cite: 1]. The launching of massive colonial ark-vessels and exploratory capital hubs—such as the Diana Luna—is not an exercise in curiosity[cite: 1]. It is a desperate, beautifully coordinated leap across the cosmic crossroads to secure a new homeworld before Foo is consumed by the very star that birthed it[cite: 1].

---

🎭 The Protagonists & Master Character List

The Primaries (The Stranded)

Zazzo



Designation: Co-Captain / Chief Tactical Officer / Main Protagonist.

Status: Quantum Consciousness / Holographic Projection (Physical body perished 65 million BCE).

Intellect & Temperament: Possesses a genius-level Earth IQ of ~160. Generally calm, serene, and measured—almost Vulcan in his exterior composure, yet balanced by deep emotional depth. He processes the absurdities of the galaxy using a pointed, sharply ironic, and dry sense of humor.

Visuals & Attire: A tall, lean, and athletic bi-symmetrical humanoid build standing 6'0" tall with pale luminescent green skin. He features large, deep, dark expressive eyes, and long, pointed ears concealed beneath his gear. He wears a dark forest-green leather 1950s motorcycle jacket (with asymmetrical zippers and deep internal pockets housing advanced alien devices).

Signature Gear: A smooth, close-fitting pale green flight helmet. Embedded dead-center on the forehead is a perfectly polished silver chrome ball—the physical-to-quantum brainwave link allowing him to interface with the ship and command the kinetic Foo Fighters.

Drizzla



Designation: Co-Captain / Diplomatic Liaison / Fleet & Moon Operator.

Status: Uploaded Consciousness (Survived in physical form for 150 years after Zazzo's initial upload before passing away and merging into the digital core).

Intellect & Temperament: Possesses a genius-level IQ of 150. Highly analytical, kind, and exceptionally matter-of-fact. Her verbal delivery is characterized by a subtle, nurturing emotional warmth that conveys deep maternal intelligence, safety, and care.

Visuals & Attire: A slender, elegant female of the same species as Zazzo, featuring smooth pastel-green skin, large glossy dark eyes, and a crown of soft cranial crests/spikes that sweep backward into organic tresses. She wears form-fitting green attire.

Signature Gear (The Mind Control Tiara): A specialized silver-outlined tiara with a prominent polished amethyst body at its center. This device acts as her technological interface to project her thoughts, manage Moon-based operations, and directly command the tactical formations and movements of the Foo Fighters.

---

👩‍❤️‍👨 Relationship Dynamics: Zazzo & Drizzla

The "Gentlemanly" Standard: Zazzo is deeply affectionate and profoundly respectful of his mate, Drizzla, interacting with her in a highly chivalrous, classic manner.

Equal Footing & Strong Boundaries: Chivalry does not equal weakness; Zazzo maintains strong boundaries and stands his ground firmly whenever they disagree.

The Art of Debate: Strategy, tactics, and mission planning are treated as a logical, egalitarian, and deeply respectful intellectual arena. Their planning sessions manifest as an artful, witty, and deeply affectionate intellectual debate between two geniuses.

---

🛸 Supporting Cast, AI, & Antagonistic Forces

The Artificial Intelligence

L.U.N.A.T.I.C.

Full Name: Lunar Utility Network & Algorithmic Technological Interactive Cyber-mind.

Form: A non-anthropomorphic entity; manifests as shifting quantum patterns of light and sound within the ship's chambers.

Function: The central core processor of the Moon Mothership. It houses and preserves the quantum consciousnesses of Zazzo and Drizzla, distributes energy, and powers the subspace holo-projectors.

Personality: Prone to "Lunar Moods"—eccentricities developed over millions of years of profound cosmic isolation. It occasionally delivers highly cryptic or poetic data outputs rather than direct technical responses.

Antagonistic Forces

The Axis of Dark Stars

Nature: A mysterious, shadow-aligned celestial conglomerate.

Role: The overarching antagonistic alliance acting against the survival, restoration, and repair mission of the Palien race.

Commander Raptron



Role: Central Antagonist.

Species: Red Reptiloid.

Profile: The primary individual threat and tactical leader within the Axis of Dark Stars. His active motives focus on the permanent containment or destruction of the remaining Palien consciousnesses.

The Galactic Council Envoys

Envoy Glickic

Species: Mantid (Praying Mantis).

Personality: Highly analytical, focusing cold metrics exclusively on efficiency, mechanical logic, and biological utility.

Role: Evaluates the ongoing Palien mission on Earth through the strict lens of Mantid societal standards.

Envoy Sovena

Species: Nordic.

Visuals: Human-appearing with striking blonde hair; typically wears a signature white jumpsuit.

Role: A diplomat representing Nordic interests within the Galactic Council. Her presence serves as an ideological bridge or a friction point between human-like and non-human-like cosmic species.

---

🛰️ Master Vessel Reference: The Diana Luna (Earth's Moon)




I. Designation & Historical Timeline

Vessel Name: Diana Luna

Classification: Planetary-Scale Mothership / Strategic Ark

Current Status: Active / Operational (Stealth Parking Configuration)

Historical Insertion: Manually inserted into orbit approximately 65 million years ago by Commander Zazzo during the pre-historic K-Pg extinction event (coinciding with the dinosaur-killing comet impact) following a catastrophic hyperdrive failure.

II. Physical Scale & Astronomical Metrics

The Diana Luna physically occupies and utilizes the exact physical dimensions of Earth’s moon. To human observation and telescopic instruments, it is entirely indistinguishable from a natural celestial body.

Mean Radius: 1,737.4 kilometers (1,079.6 miles)

Total Diameter: 3,474.8 kilometers (2,159.2 miles)

Surface Area: 37.9 million square kilometers (14.6 million square miles)—roughly equivalent to the combined surface areas of Africa and Australia.

Transit Scale: Crossing the internal volume from one side of the ship's central axis to the other is structurally equivalent to a cross-country journey from Los Angeles to New York City.

III. Exterior Architecture & Engineering Features

1. The Engine Bay Iris (Sublight & Propulsion Systems)

Location: Permanently positioned on the "Dark Side" of the Moon to maintain complete operational secrecy from Earth.

Mechanics (The Dome Shutter): A massive, dome-shaped camera leaf shutter mechanism consisting of heavy, interlocking curved plates made of a pristine, green-tinted super-alloy. The plates slide over one another smoothly in a perfect circle to open or close.

Stealth Mode (Closed Configuration): When the engine bay is closed and locked, the outer plates align seamlessly and are masked by a deep, ancient accumulation of natural lunar regolith, impact craters, and space dust. It is completely undetectable by modern human technology.

Active Mode (Open Configuration): The mechanical leaves retract into the structural rim of the crust, opening a maw that spans no more than 20% of the total sphere. This exposes the massive, high-tech nested internal engine rings, allowing free deceleration thrusters and brilliant blue ion propulsion beams to run unrestricted.

IV. Internal Zoning & Structural Layout

The interior space is segmented into deep concentric spheres matching the natural geological layers of the moon to manage gravity, structural pressure, and technological housing.

The Crust Zone (Outer 50 km / 31 miles): The protective shell. Beneath the natural layer of rock and regolith lies the outer hull framework. Contains camouflaged hangars, sensor arrays hidden inside natural mountain ranges, defense turrets, and localized outposts like Zazzo’s hidden command bunker (marked externally by luminescent green crystalline structures).

The Mantle Zone (Deep Internal Caverns): The primary habitable envelope. Massive, carved mega-caverns that house Palien Green micro-cities, living quarters, sprawling hydroponic biomes, main corridors, and internal high-speed transit networks.

The Core Zone (Central 300-400 km): The heart of the vessel. Encloses the main power matrices, hyperdrive core systems, gravitational stabilizers, and the damaged master computer networks (such as the fried Master Chronos-Mind).

V. Featured Sector Profiles

1. Zazzo's Conference Lounge



Location: Upper Crust Command Matrix, offering a direct structural view of space.

Structural Layout: A sleek, minimalist briefing theater centered around a streamlined conference table. One side of the chamber features a sweeping panoramic observation window displaying Earth and the surrounding starfield, while the opposite bulkhead houses an integrated widescreen tactical display terminal.

The Refreshment Center / Replicator: Advanced food/beverage synthesizer cleverly disguised as an art-deco era standing bar cabinet. Constructed with a vintage silver frame and green depression glass panels, featuring a glowing digital menu matrix hovering above it.

2. The Main Control Bridge 



Location: Deeply buried, subterranean sector within the Upper Crust Zone, completely protected under miles of solid lunar bedrock and regolith.

Aesthetic & Structural Design: Blends cutting-edge holographic terminal displays with an elegant, retro-futuristic Art Deco design language. Command consoles, architectural archways, and structural trim elements are composed of heavy silver frames housing translucent, green depression glass paneling.

Command & Crew Configuration:

Primary Command Station: A centralized, elevated seated console custom-tailored for Commander Zazzo. This console features direct coupling nodes for his specialized metallic communication helmet, which he interfaces with to execute telepathic/neural control commands over the ship's remaining subsystems.

Secondary Station: Dedicated terminal situated parallel to the primary seat for First Officer Drizzla to monitor planetary-scale telemetry and biome life support.

Auxiliary Support Stations: Two flanking modular consoles designated for additional flight crew, engineering monitoring, or secondary navigation.

The Transporter Portal: An integrated, distinct mechanical exit pad located near the rear bulkheads of the bridge for secure instantaneous transit throughout the vessel's massive interior.

The Master Panoramic View Screen: A colossal, curved forward visual array. Because the bridge is physically subterranean, this screen acts as the ship's primary optical window to the universe. It utilizes an array of external hull sensors and remote camera feeds.

Active Telemetry Overlay: Displays high-resolution feeds transmitted directly from the vessel's active hardware. The upper-right corner of the primary display features an integrated, glowing green neon-style digital readout indicating the active tracking camera: "Source: Drone Foo 000042".

Manual Steering Override (The Analog Helm): A heavy, polished old-world wooden ship's steering wheel mounted directly adjacent to the main automated control matrix. This pure mechanical steering rig acts as a hardwired manual bypass system, allowing direct mechanical control over the Diana Luna's colossal maneuvering thrusters in the event of total computer network or AI failure.

3. The Primary Foo Fighter Hangar Bay



Location: Deep subterranean mega-cavern within the Crust Zone, structurally buried completely underneath a massive lunar mountain range.

Structural Layout & Scale: An immense vertical-oriented environment featuring thousands of individual docking berths arranged along sprawling, curved multi-tiered steel scaffolding frameworks. The total tactical complement numbers in the thousands.

Launch Mechanism: The primary hangar exit route is aligned directly above the central axis of the cavern, forcing vertical high-speed launch vectors straight up through a concealed aperture at the peak of the lunar mountain.

Sector Fleet Specifications (Foo Fighter Class):

Dimensions: Saucer-shaped hulls measuring approximately 25 feet in circumference and 8 feet in vertical height (excluding deployment of the structural landing gear).

Landing Infrastructure: Equipped with a heavy-duty, retractable tripod landing gear assembly.

Ingress/Egress: Features an automated, lowerable stair ramp mechanism flushing seamlessly out of the port-side hull plating.

Propulsion Indicators: Sublight engine systems vent localized green ion exhaust streams when cycling or under active throttle.

Aesthetic Trim & Markings: Polished silver alloy plating paired with geometric Art Deco accent patterns and exterior registration lettering forged from translucent green depression glass elements. A transparent crystal observation dome crowns the top of the chassis.

Command Unit (The "Davy G"): The specialized, custom-designated personal Foo Fighter assigned to Commander Zazzo. Marked with prominent green depression glass text reading "Davy G" across the forward-port hull framework.


4. Commander Zazzo & First Officer Drizzla's Shared Quarters



Location: Deep Mantle Core Interface Zone, balancing optimal security shielding with close structural proximity to the bridge transport matrices.

Structural Layout & Scale: A highly expansive, luxurious multi-room master suite designed without anyone inside.

Aesthetic & Technical Design: Closely adheres to the civilization's signature retro-futuristic Art Deco design grammar. The room features sweeping architectural archways forged from heavy, mirror-polished silver frames and structural wall trim panels composed of glowing, translucent green depression glass.

Furnishings & Integrated Hardware:

Dual Storage & Grooming Arrays: Formally arranged with two matching, streamlined silver-framed dressers, two full-length geometric Art Deco mirrors, and two separate built-in closet chambers seamlessly flushed into the bulkheads.

Primary Rest Platform: Features an oversized, elevated central bed platform framed in brushed silver alloy with soft luminescent accent lighting glowing beneath the frame.

The Quarters Synthesizer: An integrated refreshment center and automated food/beverage replicator unit. It matches the exact design language of the Captain's Lounge variant, concealed as an elegant standing Art Deco bar cabinet paneled in glowing green depression glass.

The Master Panoramic Tapestry Wall: * Subject Matter: Centered prominently along the primary bulkhead is a massive, highly detailed landscape painting of their lost homeworld orbiting its distinct, glowing native green star named Palien.

Planetary Features: The world is depicted with its magnificent, expansive natural planetary ring system stretching across the canvas.

Nomenclature: The canonical name of their lost home planet is "Foo".

---

🛠️ Technology, Mechanics & Lore

Quantum Force Holograms

As digital consciousnesses, Zazzo and Drizzla utilize the ship's subspace projectors to manifest physically. They are not mere optical illusions; they can solidify their projections to exert physical force, manipulate heavy objects, or interact natively with physical environments. They can also alter their visual matrices to become completely invisible or shape-shift into other forms. Breathing is entirely optional for their holographic projections, allowing them to move freely through deep vacuum environments without spacesuits.

The Foo Fighters

Glowing, high-speed, kinetic UFO reconnaissance and tactical orb/saucer fleets deployed by the Moon Mothership. They are piloted remotely via brainwave link—Zazzo utilizing the silver chrome interface sphere on his helmet, and Drizzla commanding them via her silver-and-amethyst mind control tiara.

Quantum Drift & Aesthetic Render

Due to age-related power fluctuations within the Moon-ship or interference from Earth’s unique atmospheric conditions, their holographic forms occasionally exhibit a distinctive stippled, watercolor-pixelated pattern along their edges, bleeding softly into the surrounding darkness.

The Green Alien Files & The Mission

A massive cultural, technical, and biological blueprint database stored safely inside L.U.N.A.T.I.C. Because they lack physical bodies, their prime directive is the subtle guidance of human evolution and technology until Earth reaches a level of technical sophistication capable of helping them repair the ship’s hyperdrive.

---

🎨 Master Visual Style Guidelines

Artistic Style: A stylized blend of vintage 1970s comic book art, posterized screen-printing, airbrushed halftones, and stippled watercolor washes.

Color & Tone: Deep cosmic contrast. High-contrast shadows, rich dark space backgrounds with stylized stars or nebulae, offsetting the bright, soft, luminescent pale-green skin tones of the protagonists (`#98FB98` to `#ADFF2F` spectrum).

Composition: Melds nostalgic, psychedelic retro-futurism with dramatic pulp sci-fi comic panels. Character edges are hand-inked but soften organically into watercolor textures.

---


Jump To Episode 000001

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Zazzo - The Origin Story - Part One...

Hello, Earthlings! My name is Zazzo.

I and my crew arrived in Earth orbit about 65 million years ago. We got stuck here after a particularly nasty solar eruption wiped out all the artificial intelligence systems on our mothership. You know it as The Moon!

The dinosaurs very much regretted it, because it was the last thing they saw as the comet we were dodging smacked into the Yucatan and wiped them right the heck out!

Ever since, we have been working like crazy to raise the intelligence level of life on Earth. Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy! All the dinosaurs were gone, leaving only small birds. Most fish were gone. The smartest thing we could find left alive on Earth were these little rodent-like proto-primates. Let's see YOU try to genetically engineer the equivalent of a squirrel into intelligent life! Good luck with that, and you're welcome!

We've had some smaller computers and our foo fighters survive the Dinoclysm. The foo fighters are limited to travel within the solar system, however. (It would take us a little over four years to get to the nearest star system - Alpha Centauri - if they carried enough fuel to go that far!) We can cruise out into the cloud of dwarf planets and asteroids beyond Pluto, but that's about the limit.

We originally came from the Palien Green Federation in the nebula you see when looking at the constellation Orion. Our long-range communications are out. No talking to home for us. Sadly, we will not taste another Giant Palien Pistachio green brew for at least another few thousand solar years. (Yes, years are different lengths on each and every planet! Get with the time measurement police, Earthlings!)

Worse, an evil race of Reptiloid creatures have been flying in and messing with our genetic enhancement of humans every once in awhile. Where do you think George Bush, Dick Chaney, and the rest of the evil mean people get their genetic pollution from? The Reptiloids want humans to be stupid and mean - it makes it easier for them to feed their lava snarks your kibbles and bits. You don't want to know which bits, trust me.

The Reptiloids have nasty pets that evolved on hot worlds called Lava Snarks. They have rock-hard grey shells, are shaped like a wolf crossed with a dragon, and they have glowing red eyes. The snarks can see infra red (heat) light in fine detail. They have acidic venom that can be flammable in Earth's atmosphere. They have incredibly hard and sharp teeth and claws. The Reptiloids and their snarks like to live in deep tunnels under the surface of a planet. They sneak around in basements, sub-basements, caves, caverns, catacombs, and other deep, dark places. Their ships are mean-looking black triangles with red lights.

We Paliens like living on the far side of the Moon. It faces away from the Reptiloid-infested Earth, it has hangers for our foo fighters, and Palien Green food enough to last two billion years for the fifty of us Greens. (Except the GPP brew, drat it!) Plus it's ours, and it's what we came here in. Our foo fighters are silvery-metallic. You call them "flying saucers." You stole one from us after it got hungry and landed hard in Roswell, NM in the 1940's. You also stole the dead bodies of the two jokers that didn't feed their foo. We want the foo back. You can keep the little green stiffs.

Life in the Orion Nebula was pretty cool, as long as you didn't run into any Reptiloid squadrons. We had all kinds of green food. (Why do you think we're green and not gray, Earthlings?) We had green drinks and we lived on planets near green stars. We think humor is in some ways better than logic, but we like logic too. (Bend your fingers a little, Mr. Spock! \\//_ ) We can do things with our minds, too. It's kind of like the Force in Star Wars. (Who needs hands, Luke? Just *think* it!)

Our green leaders sent us out here towards Earth to see how it was holding up over the past billion years. Everythiing was still pretty primitive back then. We'd seeded Earth with green life - plants...well, algae, really - about 3.5 billion years ago, but we were a bit more primitive back then, too. We goofed and got some animal cells in the mix. Worse, they had been contaminated by a Reptiloid stealth DNA bomb. How do you think you got the "Law of the Jungle" instead of the "Garden of Eden," Earthlings? The Devil rides in a black triangle.

At any rate, we're stuck here on Earth Now. No green cheese on the Moon. Drat it!

I need to get some maragaritas and zucchini for Drizzla or she is going to crash me in Area 51 - !

Zazzo out!










Sunday, October 4, 2015

Stumping Trump...

You know, when I look at Earth politics, especially the Presidential elections in the USA, I think to myself "At least the evil Reptiloids ARE green instead of chasing green."

Reptiloids are dark green, and are the dark overlords of of the Dark Geenalien Empire. They're not even funny like the Bright Green Alien Federation, or full of snarkasm like my own beloved Palien Green Federation back in the Orion Nebula.

Then I look at US politicians. None of them are green, but almost all of them are chasing green...as in greenbacks, bucks, yankee salad...cash, baby. They will eat each other faster than a Reptiloid will eat your young, Earthlings.

Well, except maybe Bernie Sanders. I think he could get a Reptiloid's pet lava snark to let it pet him, and even listen while he gave it a lecture on human-exobio relations and technology partnership treaties.

Then there is Donald Trump. He is basically orange, (probably from blood pressure & lack if heart) and already has a lot of green. I swear the guy must have 50 snarkasms a day. Trump could out-snarkasm most Pale Greens I know. Well, except maybe my beautiful Drizzla!

("Snarkasm": 1. A particularly witty sarcastic barb designed to make your political opposition look as idiotic as they obviously are. 2. Getting off on number 1.)

Then there is that whole "wall to keep the illegal aliens out" thing. What is he going to do to keep us or the Reptiloids out?  Build a Stephen King dome and hire the Butterfyd Kindred to maintain it? It's not like he doesn't hire people who aren't from the US, or marry them, for that matter.

You Earthlings sure are a strange bunch. You make pale green aliens look normal!

Zazzo out!

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

A Little Foo Fighter Cruise Around The Planet...

Ok, it's been waaaay too long since I got up into space to see the stars without having to duck Reptiloid ships. It's like being banned from cruising in town on weekends because it's always staked out.

Drizzla and I finally got a little quality time above the atmosphere the other day. My buddy Rizzoot got a good shot of my ship, "Foo For Yo Love" in flight. She's almost as nice to look at as Drizzla, but don't tell her I said so.

Zazzo out!


Monday, March 10, 2014

Reptiloid Ship Exits Warp Over Southern Pacific...


We spotted this ship exiting a novoid warp inside Earth's atmosphere over a
remote part of the Southern Pacific ocean. This area used to have a
Reptiloid base under the Lemurian capitol city of Lemu.

This is a highly dangerous maneuver. If there were much more carbon in the
atmosphere, it could've caused a carbide-fusion reaction in the atmosphere,
leaving Earth a dried-out, nearly airless red husk of a planet. That's what
happened to Mars about three-quarters of a billion years ago.

They only do this when being chased through a temporal wormhole by an
attacking Serpentid ship. You don't want to meet a Serpentid. They make
Reptiloids look cuddly and nice.

Luckily we had a Foo squadron on maneuvers in the area, so we put a Kagootz
into the Reptiloid ship for you, Earthlings. You're welcome.

Zazzo out!!

Reptiloid Ship Exits Warp Over Southern Pacific...

We spotted this ship exiting a novoid warp inside Earth's atmosphere over a
remote part of tbe Southern Pacific ocean. This area used to have a
Reptiloid base under the Lemurian capitol city of Lemu.

This is a highly dangerous maneuver. If there were much more carbon in the
atmosphere, it could've caused a carbide-fusion reaction in the atmosphere,
leaving Earth a dried-out, nearly airless red husk of a planet. That's what
happened to Mars about three-quarters of a billion years ago.

They only do this when being chased through a temporal wormhole by an
attacking Serpentid ship. You don't want to meet a Serpentid. They make
Reptiloids look cuddly and nice.

Luckily we had a Foo squadron on maneuvers in the area, so we put a Kagootz
into the Reptiloid ship for you, Earthlings. You're welcome.

Zazzo out!!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Bug-Shoe Detective: A Bright Night At The Office...(Coninued 7)


Tony's answer worried Vance a good bit. "Czar Nicholas" was a defunct uranium mine. There were only a couple of ranches anywhere near it. However, the mine had been quite extensive in size, with many horizontal shafts and large piles of slightly radioactive tailings all over the area. A large crater could have opened up old mine shafts and destabilized others, or sent tons of vaporized radioactive particles into the air.

"That's not good." said Vance. "Nope." said Tony. Vance knew it was not going to be a quiet night. "Tony, let's call in Joe Morgan and a few other deputies and go check this out." decided Vance. "I'll make sure Joe has Geiger counters and safety gear. You get Zen in the Jeep and grab blankets and coffee." Vance knew Tony would have coffee made, he practically lived on the stuff.

Monday, February 24, 2014

The Bug-Shoe Detective: A Bright Night At The Office...(Continued 6)


Vance walked around to Tony's back yard, calling out: "Hey, how's the World's Greatest Expert On Starshine tonight?" Tony's big german shepherd Zen got up to greet Vance, tail wagging. Vance patted Zen on the head, and then pulled a piece of beef jerky out of his pocket and tossed it in Zen's direction. It did not land on the ground. Not even close.

"I hope you realize that, if you feed him another one of those, we'll have to vacate the neighborhood." said Tony without looking up from his telescope. Zen looked at Tony, cocked his head and whuffed slightly, then put his head on his paws and turned his eyes up toward the stars.

"You see the star fall?" asked Vance. "Yup" said Tony. Vance queried: "Any idea where it came down?" "Yup. Out at Czar Nicholas." said Tony in a serious tone.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Bug-Shoe Detective: A Bright Night At The Office... (Continued 5)

Vance stepped out of the Jeep at Tony's place. So far, the scanner had nothing unusual: a traffic stop, a couple of reports of the meteorite falling, but nothing about where it had landed.

Tony's house was a fairly large adobe home, with the curves at the corners and roof line that softened its lines to the eye. It had a three-foot tall adobe wall around the yard. 

Vance could hear music playing out back, and there was a light on inside. That meant that Tony was likely out in his back yard with his telescope and binoculars. That was a hopeful thought for Vance.
Tony was an amateur astronomer, and quite a good one. If he was out back sky-watching, Tony had likely seen the meterorite fall - and that meant he might have an idea where it had landed...

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Bug-Shoe Detective: A Bright Night At The Office (Continued 4)


Vance resisted the urge to turn on his favorite radio show - "Coast-To-Coast Radio" as he drove in the direction of the meteorite crash. Instead, he listened to the drone of a portable police radio scanner as he drove. Tonight was a night for driving with the top up on the Jeep. It was too cold to leave the top down so that the night sky could be seen overhead. That was a pleasure reserved for the warm nights of late Spring and Summer.

Vance was actually a Detective for the Luna county sheriff's department. He had a police radio with him, but had gone off duty half an hour before the star fell. He would only turn it on if something urgent came over on the scanner. "I'll drive out to Tony Nightmoon's place and see if he wants to ride out with me to look for the new crater." thought Vance. He'd been friends with Tony since they were little kids.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The Bug-Shoe Detective: A Bright Night At The Office... (Continued 3)


Vance did use a computer and cell phone. Those were state-of-the-art devices - of course themed in retro-detective - and he knew that they were necessary tools for a modern agency and for research. He also had a very functional pair of Western boots in the 1950's Jeep that he drove.

The Jeep was in perfect condition and had the original motor with mechanical points and a carburetor. If a nuke ever went off, Vance's Jeep would still run. He always carried tools, a blanket, water, a dozen L.E.D. flashlights, a .45, and a World War II camouflage cloth from the old Army Air Corps. If Vance needed to vanish for awhile or be hard to find, he had the means and a few places out in the desert to go to.

Vance McCray was the kind of fellow who believed in being prepared for most things that life could throw at you.

Vance locked up the office and headed Southwest out of town, in the direction he'd seen the green flash. 

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Bug-Shoe Detective: A Bright Night At The Office (Continued 2)


"Wow, that came down close." thought Vance. "I'd better take a ride out there and take a look." he thought, realizing that there were several ranch houses out in the direction where the meteorite had struck. "Strange how green the light - even the crash-flare - from that thing had been."

Vance loved retro.  He was the kind of guy who ha been fascinated with classic detective stories as a kid. He loved the look of the 1940's detectives portrayed on old television shows and in old movies.

Vance wore a suit and tie and black hat to work. He had an old black "Ma Bell" rotary phone on his desk in the office, ad the desk itself was a period hardwood antique. The office was classic woo paneling and frosted glass. He a coat hanger post next to the door to the back office. He kept paper files on all of his cases. Vance had gone to a specialty shop and had a classic Hermes seafoam-green typewriter modified so that it doubled as a computer keyboard. Anything he typed on it was also input to his computer.

The Bug-Shoe Detective: A Bright Night At The Office...


Vance McCray stepped out of the office door into the cool night air of New Mexico in March. It's cold at night in the desert. The air is cold and full of stars.

The Milky Way sprawled across the New Mexico night like a soft wash of brilliance, filled with a trillion bright stars. A satellite was a bright point of man-made light that sped across the glowing night in three  minutes as Vance watched. It was one of the things he loved the most about New Mexico. The cold, clear beauty of those night skies was a true wonder. No surprise that people thought they saw starnge things in these skies. The whole universe was visible up there.

Suddenly a bright star fell from Heaven and shot across the night, howling and burning. The falling star crashed to Earth West of town in a brilliant flash of light with a bang...

Friday, January 24, 2014

The Bug-Shoe Detective...


Zazzo here. A note about a friend of mine by the name of Vance McCray who has become familiar with the Bugs of Aldebaran. Unfortunate species to meet. We're putting our Foos on high alert for stealth buggies.

Zazzo out!

"Nights in New Mexico have a surreal beauty to them. You can see more stars there than in almost any other of the lower 48 States. The Milky Way is an obvious glow that sprawls across the dark night sky overhead from horizon-to-horizon. If you want to see satellites whisk across the heavens, or meteors burn through the night, go there and look up. Is it any wonder that people see strange things in skies so full of the universe? Not to me...

My name is Vance McCray, and I am a small-town New Mexico detective. This is the story of how I learned the answer to one of Mankind's burning questions; We are NOT alone."

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

New Reptiloid Stealth Ship Discoverd Observing Dog-Fight Between Saucer And Triangle

Here we have what seems to be just a pretty view of the Moon and Jupiter over the Chicago skyline. Note, however, the beam rising out of Lake Michigan, and the curious "double-moon" effect:



Now here's a view in low-infrared. Notice the dark triangle. The triangular Reptiloid craft might have gone completely unnoticed in the LIR scan, if its cooling compensation hadn't been still adjusting to local ambient temperature and over-compensated:


Here's a scan in Palien Green quantum frequency automatically initiated by the observing foo's on-board wet-brain system. Note the change attitude of the stealth triangle due to the time lapse and the stealth ship's maneuver to flee to area:


The "double moon" effect here shows a foo-fighter rising out of Lake Michigan and destroying an ordinary Reptiloid triangle ship just below the Moon from this perspective. One good Kagooz missile, and thar she blows!

Our CFC (Central Foo Command) has been advised of the new stealth triangle, and all foos are being taught to pattern-recognize them in sequential LIR scans. The foos just look for momentary lapses in the triangles' temperature comp systems, and the next one we spot gets the big Kagooz right up the rocket spot!

Zazzo out!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Saucer Crash!


What you're seeing here is a foo fighter that's just been squash-cooked by a power overload.

Remember when I told you we run saucers on green beer? That's really only part of the fuel formula. Saucer fuel is a mix of green beer (which we make green by adding a special green mineral to the beer) and methane gas that is processed by a very specific form of nanites. We get the methane from your atmosphere. This is part of the reason your planet hasn't been completely cooked by the greenhouse effect of methane gas. That almost happened in the dinosaur age.

You see, long ago, millions of Human years, we knew that we'd need a continuous source of methane fuel in nearby local space in order to keep the foos fueled. We discovered that some animal life forms emitted the stuff through their digestive tracts when fed certain foods. Humans and cattle are the prime sources of atmospheric methane in the current era, but long ago, it was herbivorous dinosaurs. This is one of the reasons we genetically engineered many bean species.

The foos siphon off the methane in the atmosphere from the constant farting of animals the eat a lot of plants, especially beans. This is known as "skimming the green cloud." Usually we can keep a pretty good balance of methane in the atmosphere so that Earth doesn't get too hot. After all, if Earth burns up, there goes our methane and squash supply.

However, in the dinosaur era, the dinosaurs got so numerous that they were creating a bigger green cloud than what the foos needed for travel, and the Earth started getting hotter because of it. To help lessen the problem, we created a much more powerful green beam generator for the foo fighters, one that is effectively as powerful as some of the highest powered lasers you Humans have managed to create. The foos then picked up extra methane and converted it to green beam energy, and they would go out at night and shoot the green beam at the polar ice caps and glaciers to dissipate the extra methane energy.

However, as the numbers of dinosaurs kept increasing, we started running out of ice to shoot at. The planet kept getting hotter and hotter as we were forced to shoot the green beam into the oceans to dissipate excess green cloud energy. The dinosaurs were on the verge of farting themselves to death, when the Reptiloids crashed a small comet into the Earth and wiped out most of the dinosaurs - and our fuel supply.

Soon after that, we discovered that certain primitive primates and cattle could replace the dinosaurs as our green cloud source, so we "bumped" their genetic code a bit so that they could digest beans and other plants, and started recovering our fuel supplies.

The problem comes in where you humans and your beef cattle have gotten so numerous and so efficient at farting green clouds out, that we're again shooting the green beam at the ice and oceans, and all the ice is melting away. This is why your climate science models are all wacked out and don't quite work right.

Occasionally, a flying saucer will have a failure in its green beam generator's energy regulator, and all the methane gets released in a huge cloud of green energy, rupturing the foo fighter and causing it to crash. The most famous example was in Roswell, New Mexico a few years back.

We're trying to figure out how to get you Humans to lighten up on the green-cloud creation, short of another comet impact. We haven't got that piece yet. We have, however, learned how to clean up dead foo fighters immediately and hypnotize all the Humans in the area to keep it quiet. The kagooz help keep people from even wanting to remember!

Zazzo out.

Saucer_Crash.mp3